This post is for ME, so that when these weeks happen again, which they will, I can look back and be reminded of what I learned.
What a week last week was for me. I really thought I may not make it through. I am not sure why it was so hard for me, daily events were pretty much our normal routine. However 1 major thing had changed that subconcoiously tour me up and spun me out of control. Looking back it was this thing added to the ongoing list, that i am already dealing with,that shook me up. So here it is. Garet started the adventure of the hunting season. I do have to add it is hard on ALL of us not just me, this is just how I reacted and what my week was like. When this time period starts I have to gear up for it mentally, emotionally and well kind of physically. When this time period begins I am reminded that he is not just gone for a short period of time like a day, a few days or even a week. It is the begining of a 14 week haul, of long days, that for him begin at about 4:30-5am and I will see him probably in the night sometime if I can stay awake. Now for me lately I have been going to bed with the kids around 7:30-8:30pm, and yes I am still tired becase I can't sleep, so that is why I say if I am awake I will see him. After the 14 week season we get about a 3-4 week break and then the traveling begins from Jan.-April. This year I am already preparing myslef since I will not be able to travel with him because of the arrival of our sweet little bundle. So I think that all of this really got to me, and when the reality hit that I wouldn't have the comfort of knowing he would be home at 5ish, it added to the stress of being nauseated STILL, not sleeping, the horrible relentless hormonal headaches that last for days, and my attitude of negativity that has crept up on me. I think it all molded into a big ball of...the fact that I am TIRED, sick, sick of being tired, irritable, and just plain grumpy, add to the list the GUILT for being a bad mommy, wife and person. I really have tried to kick it but this week it GOT ME DOWN!!! So my shoulders felt like concrete, which definately did NOT help the headaches, and an emotional downpour happened. Thank goodness for sisters and parents who were willing to listen and help. I was out of control. My poor boys, I had to grab my love and logic book and take notes so I could remember that I was the parent and be reminded of how to parent lovingly. The saying "when mama ain't happy aint nobody happy" is TRUE I can testify to it. I tried to remember TAKE A DEEP BREATH, and because I was going crazy so were my boys, it really rubs off. Now I know that life is what you make it. But sometimes when lifes whirlwinds are tossing you around that is a hard lesson to remember. The bright side of the story, one day I picked up the ensign at my Parents house and read Presidents Monsons talk from this past conference, this is what I read that really helped me. President Monson said "To you who are parents, I say, show love to your children. You know you love them, but make certain they know it as well. They are so precious. Let them know. Call upon our Heavenly Father for help as you care for their needs each day and as you deal with the challenges which inevitably come with parenthood. You need more than your own wisdom in rearing them." DUH! It is NOT complicated and it is "black and white", what I already know: show love, ask for help, and don't sweat the things you cannot change. I also read M. Russell Ballard's talk, this was my favorite talk and I need to keep it handy and read it often. He said, "First, recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction. There is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood." I too applied these thoughts to Garet, I needed to remember that being a wife is important and needs to come first, the mother role follows. So my week was hard, my life was hard, but how grateful I am to have a loving, concerened husband who loves to help, understand, and support me. How blessed I am to have my babies, and I just need to remember that I am a Mother, and a Wife, and I have a great life. I do believe that you need personal time to regain yourself and your thoughts, I need to make this time so I can be a better person. You don't have to be perfect, I am definately not, but life is easier when you remember you are not alone!
